Please excuse smelling errors.
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
What do you call french kissing in France - kissing?
What do people in China call their good plates?
HANDKERCHIEF - Cold Storage.
Cheese that is not yours - Nacho Cheese!
What you get from a pampered cow - Spoiled Cheese!
What you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire - Frostbite!
Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?
Sign In Chinese Pet Store: 'Buy one dog, get one flea...'
I got a sweater for Christmas...I wanted a screamer or a moaner.
I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
Did you hear about the baby seal that walked into a club?
Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was a salted.
Welcome To S**t Creek ~ Sorry, we're out of paddles!
Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
Did you hear the one about the dyslexic man who walked into a bra.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bulls**t before.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to a seafood disco rave last week.... and pulled a mussel.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A 'fsh'.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asked, 'Is the bar tender here?'
A drunk walks into bar. 'Ouch!' he says.
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Why does 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing?
Why does 'fat chance' and 'slim chance' mean the same thing?
Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?
Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game' when we are already there?
Why are they called 'stands' when they are made for sitting?
Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
Doesn't 'expecting the unexpected' make the unexpected expected?
Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites?
Why do 'overlook' and 'oversee' mean opposite things?
Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds?
If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Why is bra singular and panties plural?
Why do we put suit in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why do they call it TV set when you only have one?
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How do angels get their gowns on over those wings?
If nothing sticks to teflon, how does it stick to the pan?
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
What sits at the bottom of the ocean and shivers - A Nervous Wreck!
Where would you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him!
The difference between roast beef and pea soup - anyone can roast beef!
The type of coffee served on the Titanic - Sanka!
The difference between a Harley and a Hoover - the location of the dirt bag!
People who live in glass houses... should make love in the basement.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket
Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.
Rehab is for quitters!
The proctologist called...they found your head.
Everyone has a photographic memory... some just don't have any film.
Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Guys, just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.
When a cow laughs, does milk come up its nose?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water.
Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.
If the afternoon dies, do we spend the rest of the day in mourning?
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a daycare where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy who's left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in school, do they take debate?
The thief who stole a calendar... got 12 months.
The thief who fell and broke his leg in wet cement is now a hardened criminal.
The thief who stole corn will be charged for stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers as they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in L.A., UCLA.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory on earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run, could you jog its memory?
The dentist and manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does one enjoy it?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, does it become disgruntled?
Better late than... pregnant...
Why do we press harder on a remote control when the batteries are dying?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Is it okay for vegetarian detectives to go on stakeouts?
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
What they’re saying…
“To all the lucky souls and corporations that get the opportunity to work with Eric, at Empower Graphics, count your decision to work with him as the best business decision you can make regarding the image of your company!! After forty years in the professional beauty and music industries, and working with designers such as Calvin Klein, Sam Brocato, Graham Webb and Robert Taylor – industry icons – I must say Eric’s creativity, attention to detail, and his tell-it-like-it-is attitude and honest feedback is unique. His outstanding work is always on time and he goes the extra mile every time!! People like this don’t exist anymore in business!!! Eric has inspired me to create again… I would, with extreme confidence, recommend Eric to anyone who is searching for excellence in the graphic design field – excellence in design and image, and more important, an honest man!!”Gene Martignetti
“We have been working with Eric Michalowsky and Empower Graphics since December of 2007. It was very important to my company that we find someone who was not only creative, brand aware and in tune with our corporate goals but also someone we could count on to produce our creative on time and to strict budget constraints. After battling with a “big firm” who seemed to drop the ball and not give us the attention we deserved, Eric was like a breath of fresh air. Suddenly work was being completed far ahead of schedule and to our specifications. Eric has partnered with us to create everything necessary for not only 2 retail location openings but also all the marketing materials and collateral we have needed for the franchise division of our company. His knowledge of, and adherence to, appropriate branding guidelines and procedures has ensured our brand remains strong and as originally intended. I would highly recommend Eric and Empower Graphics.”Steven Heller
“Arixa Capital Advisors is an investment management firm and my role is investor relations and marketing. I have worked with Eric on several graphic design projects, creating marketing collateral to appeal to high net worth individuals as well as institutional investors. Eric’s work is superb with respect to design and attention to detail. It has been difficult finding people who have standards high enough to work with us. If you are a company with high standards like ours, you will find it a pleasure working with Eric. Additionally, he is very attentive to our needs even though we are on the west coast and he is on the east coast. If I send Eric a project in the evening it is often in my inbox waiting for me the next morning.
We have tried other designers on a couple of occasions to disastrous effect. We turned back to Eric to salvage both of these projects, which he did with alacrity and professionalism. I will continue to use Eric for my graphic design needs due to his superb work product, responsiveness and professionalism. Good people are hard to find and Eric is good people.”Kevin Zvargulis
“Eric opened my eyes a few years ago to the benefits of freelance graphic design. I was trying to hire a new designer after my staff designer resigned, and Eric gave me pause when he said he could help, but only as a freelancer.
His response time, design quality, and attention to detail forced me to abandon my search for a permanent designer.
I was anxious that the 3-hour time difference would be problematic, but that has not been the case. In fact, more often than not, I’m able to wake up in California to new design changes waiting for me in my inbox.”Greyson Prinzing