A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
A backwards poet writes inverse.
In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
He was so lactose intolerant that, when having his picture taken, he could not say "Cheese"!
Can we cry underwater?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in..." but it's only a "penny for your thoughts...". Where's that extra penny going?
Once you are in heaven, do you get stuck wearing those clothes your were buried in for eternity?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
Why is it that people say "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
Why is one "IN" a movie but "ON" TV?
Why do people pay to go up to the top of really tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Why is "bra" singular while "panties" are plural?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island could make a radio out of a coconut, why couldn't he fix the hole in the boat?
How come when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him in your car, he stick's his head out the window.
Smile! It will improve your face value!
Sign over a gynecologist's office: Dr. Jones, at your cervix.
Sign in a podiatrist's office: Time wounds all heels.
Sign on a septic tank truck: Yesterday's Meals on Wheels.
Sign on a plumber's truck: We're #1 in the #2 business.
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
What would the speed of lightning be if it didn't zig-zag?
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
Did you ever notice that if you put "The" and "IRS" together, it spells "Theirs"?
The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
Why is that at class reunions, you feel younger than everyone else looks?
No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
How come no one ever says "it's only a game" when they are winning?
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
Money can't buy happiness but I'd rather cry in a Rolls Royce than a Hyundai.
My ex-wife and I got divorced for religious reasons - she thought she was god and I didn't
Being "over the hill" is way better than being under it.
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere.
The call is PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
He who dies with the most toys,... is nonetheless dead.
A picture is worth a thousand words... but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
Ham and Eggs - a day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for the pig.
The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
The severity of the itch is directly proportional to the inability to reach it.
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Drugs may lead to nowhere but at least it's the scenic route.
It is said that if you lined up all the cars in the world, end to end, someone will be stupid enough to try and pass them.
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, what are girl scout cookies made of?
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
Experience is something you don't get until after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
If you jog backwards, do you gain weight?
If you take a Chinese man and spin him around and around, does he get disoriented?
Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
Why do they call it chili if it is hot?
Have you ever seen a toad sitting on a toadstool?
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Support bacteria - they are the only culture some people have.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center: 'Keep off the Grass.'
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
An oral agreement is not worth the paper it's written on!
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
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We have tried other designers on a couple of occasions to disastrous effect. We turned back to Eric to salvage both of these projects, which he did with alacrity and professionalism. I will continue to use Eric for my graphic design needs due to his superb work product, responsiveness and professionalism. Good people are hard to find and Eric is good people.” Kevin Zvargulis
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I was anxious that the 3-hour time difference would be problematic, but that has not been the case. In fact, more often than not, I’m able to wake up in California to new design changes waiting for me in my inbox.” Greyson Prinzing