The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some have just run out of film.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Wear Short Sleeves: Support your right to bare arms...
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Should a Mohel resign if he can't cut it anymore?
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Do Elephants drink to just forget?
ADULT - A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR - A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL - Someone who is fed up with people.
COMMITTEE - A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
EGOTIST - Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF - Cold Storage.
After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water.
Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.
People who discriminate based upon race are racists. People who discriminate based upon sex are sexists. Are people who discriminate against other who speak a foreign language called linguists?
How come no one ever says "it's only a game" when they are winning?
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
Money can't buy happiness but I'd rather cry in a Rolls Royce than a Hyundai.
My ex-wife and I got divorced for religious reasons - she thought she was god and I didn't
Being "over the hill" is way better than being under it.
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere.
The call is PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
He who dies with the most toys,... is nonetheless dead.
A picture is worth a thousand words... but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
Ham and Eggs - a day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for the pig.
The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
The severity of the itch is directly proportional to the inability to reach it.
Don't change horses.... until they stop running...
Strike while the.... bug is close...
Don't bite the hand that.... looks dirty...
A miss is as good as a.... Mr...
You can't teach an old dog new... math...
If you lie down with dogs, ... you will stink in the morning...
The pen is mightier than the... pen...
Where there's smoke, there's... pollution...
A penny saved is... not much...
Don't put off till tomorrow what... you can wear to bed...
There are none so blind as.... Stevie Wonder...
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and... you have to blow your nose...
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So, I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
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What they’re saying…
“To all the lucky souls and corporations that get the opportunity to work with Eric, at Empower Graphics, count your decision to work with him as the best business decision you can make regarding the image of your company!! After forty years in the professional beauty and music industries, and working with designers such as Calvin Klein, Sam Brocato, Graham Webb and Robert Taylor – industry icons – I must say Eric’s creativity, attention to detail, and his tell-it-like-it-is attitude and honest feedback is unique. His outstanding work is always on time and he goes the extra mile every time!! People like this don’t exist anymore in business!!! Eric has inspired me to create again… I would, with extreme confidence, recommend Eric to anyone who is searching for excellence in the graphic design field – excellence in design and image, and more important, an honest man!!”
“We have been working with Eric Michalowsky and Empower Graphics since December of 2007. It was very important to my company that we find someone who was not only creative, brand aware and in tune with our corporate goals but also someone we could count on to produce our creative on time and to strict budget constraints. After battling with a “big firm” who seemed to drop the ball and not give us the attention we deserved, Eric was like a breath of fresh air. Suddenly work was being completed far ahead of schedule and to our specifications. Eric has partnered with us to create everything necessary for not only 2 retail location openings but also all the marketing materials and collateral we have needed for the franchise division of our company. His knowledge of, and adherence to, appropriate branding guidelines and procedures has ensured our brand remains strong and as originally intended. I would highly recommend Eric and Empower Graphics.”
“Arixa Capital Advisors is an investment management firm and my role is investor relations and marketing. I have worked with Eric on several graphic design projects, creating marketing collateral to appeal to high net worth individuals as well as institutional investors. Eric’s work is superb with respect to design and attention to detail. It has been difficult finding people who have standards high enough to work with us. If you are a company with high standards like ours, you will find it a pleasure working with Eric. Additionally, he is very attentive to our needs even though we are on the west coast and he is on the east coast. If I send Eric a project in the evening it is often in my inbox waiting for me the next morning.
We have tried other designers on a couple of occasions to disastrous effect. We turned back to Eric to salvage both of these projects, which he did with alacrity and professionalism. I will continue to use Eric for my graphic design needs due to his superb work product, responsiveness and professionalism. Good people are hard to find and Eric is good people.”
“Eric opened my eyes a few years ago to the benefits of freelance graphic design. I was trying to hire a new designer after my staff designer resigned, and Eric gave me pause when he said he could help, but only as a freelancer.
His response time, design quality, and attention to detail forced me to abandon my search for a permanent designer.
I was anxious that the 3-hour time difference would be problematic, but that has not been the case. In fact, more often than not, I’m able to wake up in California to new design changes waiting for me in my inbox.”
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