Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

FREEDOM OF THE PRESS - wrinkle-free clothes.

Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

Sign in the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

Sign at a Propane Filling Station: "Tank heaven for little grills."

Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)

Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

Contractions aren't necessary.

Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Sign over a Chicago Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Impotence - Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

The same mustard as before - Dijon vu.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

Without geometry, is there any point?

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail ... but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn..that was fun!"

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

My wife said I never listen to her (at least I think that's what she said).

Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called LABOR!

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Do you get holy water by boiling the hell out of it?

Are what Eskimos get from sitting on ice called Polaroids?

Is a boomerang that doesn't work called... a stick?

Cheese that is not yours - Nacho Cheese!

What you get from a pampered cow - Spoiled Cheese!

What you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire - Frostbite!

What sits at the bottom of the ocean and shivers - A Nervous Wreck!

Where you find a dog with no legs - Right where you left him!

The difference between roast beef and pea soup - Anyone can roast beef!

The type of coffee served on the Titanic - Sanka!

The difference between a Harley and a Hoover - the location of the dirt bag!

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.

Rehab is for quitters!

If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right thing.

Consciousness - that annoying time between naps.

Constipated people don't give a crap.

Illiterate? Write for help.

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

Ax me about Ebonics.

Grow your own dope - plant a man!

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again

One should never generalize.

Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

Profanity sucks.

Be more or less specific.

Understatement is always best.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

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What they’re saying…

“To all the lucky souls and corporations that get the opportunity to work with Eric, at Empower Graphics, count your decision to work with him as the best business decision you can make regarding the image of your company!! After forty years in the professional beauty and music industries, and working with designers such as Calvin Klein, Sam Brocato, Graham Webb and Robert Taylor – industry icons – I must say Eric’s creativity, attention to detail, and his tell-it-like-it-is attitude and honest feedback is unique. His outstanding work is always on time and he goes the extra mile every time!! People like this don’t exist anymore in business!!! Eric has inspired me to create again… I would, with extreme confidence, recommend Eric to anyone who is searching for excellence in the graphic design field – excellence in design and image, and more important, an honest man!!”

Gene Martignetti

Owner/Founder, MariaMaria Music/Beauty, SoBe Beauty Services

“We have been working with Eric Michalowsky and Empower Graphics since December of 2007. It was very important to my company that we find someone who was not only creative, brand aware and in tune with our corporate goals but also someone we could count on to produce our creative on time and to strict budget constraints. After battling with a “big firm” who seemed to drop the ball and not give us the attention we deserved, Eric was like a breath of fresh air. Suddenly work was being completed far ahead of schedule and to our specifications. Eric has partnered with us to create everything necessary for not only 2 retail location openings but also all the marketing materials and collateral we have needed for the franchise division of our company. His knowledge of, and adherence to, appropriate branding guidelines and procedures has ensured our brand remains strong and as originally intended. I would highly recommend Eric and Empower Graphics.”

Steven Heller

President, The Brand Liaison

“Arixa Capital Advisors is an investment management firm and my role is investor relations and marketing. I have worked with Eric on several graphic design projects, creating marketing collateral to appeal to high net worth individuals as well as institutional investors. Eric’s work is superb with respect to design and attention to detail. It has been difficult finding people who have standards high enough to work with us. If you are a company with high standards like ours, you will find it a pleasure working with Eric. Additionally, he is very attentive to our needs even though we are on the west coast and he is on the east coast. If I send Eric a project in the evening it is often in my inbox waiting for me the next morning.

We have tried other designers on a couple of occasions to disastrous effect. We turned back to Eric to salvage both of these projects, which he did with alacrity and professionalism. I will continue to use Eric for my graphic design needs due to his superb work product, responsiveness and professionalism. Good people are hard to find and Eric is good people.”

Kevin Zvargulis

Vice President, Arixa Capital Advisors

“Eric opened my eyes a few years ago to the benefits of freelance graphic design. I was trying to hire a new designer after my staff designer resigned, and Eric gave me pause when he said he could help, but only as a freelancer.

His response time, design quality, and attention to detail forced me to abandon my search for a permanent designer.

I was anxious that the 3-hour time difference would be problematic, but that has not been the case. In fact, more often than not, I’m able to wake up in California to new design changes waiting for me in my inbox.”

Greyson Prinzing

General Manager, Riot Creative Imaging/ARC Document Services

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