If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

Ax me about Ebonics.

Grow your own dope - plant a man!

Politicians and diapers both need to be changed... and for the same reason!

Elephant Circumcisor Wanted: Pay is not great but tips are huge!

Police were called to a daycare where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy who's left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in school, do they take debate?

The thief who stole a calendar... got 12 months.

The thief who fell and broke his leg in wet cement is now a hardened criminal.

The thief who stole corn will be charged for stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers as they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in L.A., UCLA.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory on earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run, could you jog its memory?

The dentist and manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint your and 'taint mine.

Is making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a pool?

if 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does one enjoy it?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

if a pig loses its voice, does it become disgruntled?

Why is the number 11 not called onety-one?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, are electricians delighted? Are musicians denoted? Are cowboys deranged? Are models deposed? Are dry cleaners depressed?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would it be called Fed Up?

He who dies with the most toys,... is nonetheless dead.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center: 'Keep off the Grass.'

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

An oral agreement is not worth the paper it's written on!

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

Contractions aren't necessary.

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

If electricity comes from electrons - does that mean that morality comes from morons?

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

How do angels get their gowns on over those wings?

If nothing sticks to teflon, how does it stick to the pan

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

Do Elephants drink to just forget?

ADULT - A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR - A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL - Someone who is fed up with people.

Egotist: someone who has taken too much Vitamin I...

Accountants keep us in check!

He was so lactose intolerant that, when having his picture taken, he could not say "Cheese"!

Can we cry underwater?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in..." but it's only a "penny for your thoughts...". Where's that extra penny going?

Once you are in heaven, do you get stuck wearing those clothes your were buried in for eternity?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Why is it that people say "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

Why is one "IN" a movie but "ON" TV?

Why do people pay to go up to the top of really tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket?

Why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff the black box is made from?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

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What they’re saying…

“To all the lucky souls and corporations that get the opportunity to work with Eric, at Empower Graphics, count your decision to work with him as the best business decision you can make regarding the image of your company!! After forty years in the professional beauty and music industries, and working with designers such as Calvin Klein, Sam Brocato, Graham Webb and Robert Taylor – industry icons – I must say Eric’s creativity, attention to detail, and his tell-it-like-it-is attitude and honest feedback is unique. His outstanding work is always on time and he goes the extra mile every time!! People like this don’t exist anymore in business!!! Eric has inspired me to create again… I would, with extreme confidence, recommend Eric to anyone who is searching for excellence in the graphic design field – excellence in design and image, and more important, an honest man!!”

Gene Martignetti

Owner/Founder, MariaMaria Music/Beauty, SoBe Beauty Services

“We have been working with Eric Michalowsky and Empower Graphics since December of 2007. It was very important to my company that we find someone who was not only creative, brand aware and in tune with our corporate goals but also someone we could count on to produce our creative on time and to strict budget constraints. After battling with a “big firm” who seemed to drop the ball and not give us the attention we deserved, Eric was like a breath of fresh air. Suddenly work was being completed far ahead of schedule and to our specifications. Eric has partnered with us to create everything necessary for not only 2 retail location openings but also all the marketing materials and collateral we have needed for the franchise division of our company. His knowledge of, and adherence to, appropriate branding guidelines and procedures has ensured our brand remains strong and as originally intended. I would highly recommend Eric and Empower Graphics.”

Steven Heller

President, The Brand Liaison

“Arixa Capital Advisors is an investment management firm and my role is investor relations and marketing. I have worked with Eric on several graphic design projects, creating marketing collateral to appeal to high net worth individuals as well as institutional investors. Eric’s work is superb with respect to design and attention to detail. It has been difficult finding people who have standards high enough to work with us. If you are a company with high standards like ours, you will find it a pleasure working with Eric. Additionally, he is very attentive to our needs even though we are on the west coast and he is on the east coast. If I send Eric a project in the evening it is often in my inbox waiting for me the next morning.

We have tried other designers on a couple of occasions to disastrous effect. We turned back to Eric to salvage both of these projects, which he did with alacrity and professionalism. I will continue to use Eric for my graphic design needs due to his superb work product, responsiveness and professionalism. Good people are hard to find and Eric is good people.”

Kevin Zvargulis

Vice President, Arixa Capital Advisors

“Eric opened my eyes a few years ago to the benefits of freelance graphic design. I was trying to hire a new designer after my staff designer resigned, and Eric gave me pause when he said he could help, but only as a freelancer.

His response time, design quality, and attention to detail forced me to abandon my search for a permanent designer.

I was anxious that the 3-hour time difference would be problematic, but that has not been the case. In fact, more often than not, I’m able to wake up in California to new design changes waiting for me in my inbox.”

Greyson Prinzing

General Manager, Riot Creative Imaging/ARC Document Services

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