Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Should a Mohel resign if he can't cut it anymore?

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

THE QUICK AND THE DEAD - Two kinds of pedestrians

Life is sexually transmitted

Accountants keep us in check!

He was so lactose intolerant that, when having his picture taken, he could not say "Cheese"!

Can we cry underwater?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in..." but it's only a "penny for your thoughts...". Where's that extra penny going?

Once you are in heaven, do you get stuck wearing those clothes your were buried in for eternity?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Why is it that people say "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

Why is one "IN" a movie but "ON" TV?

Why do people pay to go up to the top of really tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Why is "bra" singular while "panties" are plural?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island could make a radio out of a coconut, why couldn't he fix the hole in the boat?

How come when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him in your car, he stick's his head out the window.

My family is so stupid - during the Civil War, my great uncle fought for the west.

To me, boxing is like ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.

It is better to have loved a short man that never to have loved a tall.

When a cow laughs, does milk come up its nose?

After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water.

Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.

People who discriminate based upon race are racists. People who discriminate based upon sex are sexists. Are people who discriminate against other who speak a foreign language called linguists?

If the afternoon dies, do we spend the rest of the day in mourning?

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a daycare where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy who's left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in school, do they take debate?

The thief who stole a calendar... got 12 months.

The thief who fell and broke his leg in wet cement is now a hardened criminal.

The thief who stole corn will be charged for stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers as they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in L.A., UCLA.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory on earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

Nuclear waste fades your genes.

If you nose runs and your feet smell, you must be upside-down.

Early birds get worms.

Nothing succeeds like a parrot.

Teachers do it with class.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal

I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Alarms: What an octopus is.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

Do Elephants drink to just forget?

ADULT - A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR - A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL - Someone who is fed up with people.

COMMITTEE - A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

EGOTIST - Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead?"

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a barbecue?

One of life's mysteries - how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.

I finally got my head together and my body fell apart.

Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician.

Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever.

Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.

Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes.

The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.

FREEDOM OF THE PRESS - wrinkle-free clothes.

Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

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What they’re saying…

“To all the lucky souls and corporations that get the opportunity to work with Eric, at Empower Graphics, count your decision to work with him as the best business decision you can make regarding the image of your company!! After forty years in the professional beauty and music industries, and working with designers such as Calvin Klein, Sam Brocato, Graham Webb and Robert Taylor – industry icons – I must say Eric’s creativity, attention to detail, and his tell-it-like-it-is attitude and honest feedback is unique. His outstanding work is always on time and he goes the extra mile every time!! People like this don’t exist anymore in business!!! Eric has inspired me to create again… I would, with extreme confidence, recommend Eric to anyone who is searching for excellence in the graphic design field – excellence in design and image, and more important, an honest man!!”

Gene Martignetti

Owner/Founder, MariaMaria Music/Beauty, SoBe Beauty Services

“We have been working with Eric Michalowsky and Empower Graphics since December of 2007. It was very important to my company that we find someone who was not only creative, brand aware and in tune with our corporate goals but also someone we could count on to produce our creative on time and to strict budget constraints. After battling with a “big firm” who seemed to drop the ball and not give us the attention we deserved, Eric was like a breath of fresh air. Suddenly work was being completed far ahead of schedule and to our specifications. Eric has partnered with us to create everything necessary for not only 2 retail location openings but also all the marketing materials and collateral we have needed for the franchise division of our company. His knowledge of, and adherence to, appropriate branding guidelines and procedures has ensured our brand remains strong and as originally intended. I would highly recommend Eric and Empower Graphics.”

Steven Heller

President, The Brand Liaison

“Arixa Capital Advisors is an investment management firm and my role is investor relations and marketing. I have worked with Eric on several graphic design projects, creating marketing collateral to appeal to high net worth individuals as well as institutional investors. Eric’s work is superb with respect to design and attention to detail. It has been difficult finding people who have standards high enough to work with us. If you are a company with high standards like ours, you will find it a pleasure working with Eric. Additionally, he is very attentive to our needs even though we are on the west coast and he is on the east coast. If I send Eric a project in the evening it is often in my inbox waiting for me the next morning.

We have tried other designers on a couple of occasions to disastrous effect. We turned back to Eric to salvage both of these projects, which he did with alacrity and professionalism. I will continue to use Eric for my graphic design needs due to his superb work product, responsiveness and professionalism. Good people are hard to find and Eric is good people.”

Kevin Zvargulis

Vice President, Arixa Capital Advisors

“Eric opened my eyes a few years ago to the benefits of freelance graphic design. I was trying to hire a new designer after my staff designer resigned, and Eric gave me pause when he said he could help, but only as a freelancer.

His response time, design quality, and attention to detail forced me to abandon my search for a permanent designer.

I was anxious that the 3-hour time difference would be problematic, but that has not been the case. In fact, more often than not, I’m able to wake up in California to new design changes waiting for me in my inbox.”

Greyson Prinzing

General Manager, Riot Creative Imaging/ARC Document Services

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