Welcome to Empower Graphics

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

How many weeks are there in a light year?

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why can't women put mascara on with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

We'll never run out of math teachers as they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in L.A., UCLA.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory on earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his walkman?

If athletes get athletes foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

The blonde was worried the mechanic would rip her off but was relieved to hear her car only needed turn signal fluid!

Intense: where campers sleep

Kinship: your brother's boat

Jury: twelve people who determine which client has the best lawyer

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor

Minimum: a very small mother

Misty: how golfers create divots

Nitrate: cheapest price for calling long distance

Praise: letting off esteem

Relief: what trees do in the spring

Skier: a person who jumps to contusions

Sudafed: litigation brought against a government official

Unabated: a fish hook without the worm

Iraq, you break

Beards: they grow on you

Missouri loves company

Camping is in tents

Your retarded

Sex - do it for the kids

Prague - Czech it out

South Korea's got Seoul

Irish I were drunk

Denmark's the spot

Without me, it's just aweso

Earthquakes - not my fault

Epilepsy - seize the day

Laundromat sign: Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out

London Department Store sign: Bargain Basement Upstairs

Hardware store sign: Will the person who took the step ladder please return it or further steps will be taken

Farm sign: farmer allows people to cross the field for free but the bull charges

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Corporate Graphics

Brochures, Advertisements, Flyer, Posters, Trade Show Graphics, and so much more!

Covering ALL your graphics needs!

Brochures, Advertisements, Flyer, Posters, Trade Show Graphics, and so much more!

“Highly Excessible”!

Always ready and available to go above and beyond!
NO - it's not a typo!! Learn more...

What they’re saying…

“To all the lucky souls and corporations that get the opportunity to work with Eric, at Empower Graphics, count your decision to work with him as the best business decision you can make regarding the image of your company!! After forty years in the professional beauty and music industries, and working with designers such as Calvin Klein, Sam Brocato, Graham Webb and Robert Taylor – industry icons – I must say Eric’s creativity, attention to detail, and his tell-it-like-it-is attitude and honest feedback is unique. His outstanding work is always on time and he goes the extra mile every time!! People like this don’t exist anymore in business!!! Eric has inspired me to create again… I would, with extreme confidence, recommend Eric to anyone who is searching for excellence in the graphic design field – excellence in design and image, and more important, an honest man!!” Gene Martignetti

Owner/Founder, MariaMaria Music/Beauty, SoBe Beauty Services

“We have been working with Eric Michalowsky and Empower Graphics since December of 2007. It was very important to my company that we find someone who was not only creative, brand aware and in tune with our corporate goals but also someone we could count on to produce our creative on time and to strict budget constraints. After battling with a “big firm” who seemed to drop the ball and not give us the attention we deserved, Eric was like a breath of fresh air. Suddenly work was being completed far ahead of schedule and to our specifications. Eric has partnered with us to create everything necessary for not only 2 retail location openings but also all the marketing materials and collateral we have needed for the franchise division of our company. His knowledge of, and adherence to, appropriate branding guidelines and procedures has ensured our brand remains strong and as originally intended. I would highly recommend Eric and Empower Graphics.” Steven Heller

President, The Brand Liaison

“Arixa Capital Advisors is an investment management firm and my role is investor relations and marketing. I have worked with Eric on several graphic design projects, creating marketing collateral to appeal to high net worth individuals as well as institutional investors. Eric’s work is superb with respect to design and attention to detail. It has been difficult finding people who have standards high enough to work with us. If you are a company with high standards like ours, you will find it a pleasure working with Eric. Additionally, he is very attentive to our needs even though we are on the west coast and he is on the east coast. If I send Eric a project in the evening it is often in my inbox waiting for me the next morning.

We have tried other designers on a couple of occasions to disastrous effect. We turned back to Eric to salvage both of these projects, which he did with alacrity and professionalism. I will continue to use Eric for my graphic design needs due to his superb work product, responsiveness and professionalism. Good people are hard to find and Eric is good people.” Kevin Zvargulis

Vice President, Arixa Capital Advisors

“Eric opened my eyes a few years ago to the benefits of freelance graphic design. I was trying to hire a new designer after my staff designer resigned, and Eric gave me pause when he said he could help, but only as a freelancer.

His response time, design quality, and attention to detail forced me to abandon my search for a permanent designer.

I was anxious that the 3-hour time difference would be problematic, but that has not been the case. In fact, more often than not, I’m able to wake up in California to new design changes waiting for me in my inbox.” Greyson Prinzing

General Manager, Riot Creative Imaging/ARC Document Services

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