I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in school, do they take debate?
The thief who stole a calendar... got 12 months.
The thief who fell and broke his leg in wet cement is now a hardened criminal.
The thief who stole corn will be charged for stalking.
My ex-wife and I got divorced for religious reasons - she thought she was god and I didn't
Being "over the hill" is way better than being under it.
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere.
The call is PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
He who dies with the most toys,... is nonetheless dead.
A picture is worth a thousand words... but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
Ham and Eggs - a day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for the pig.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
Definition of a will? - a dead giveaway
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Why is bra singular and panties plural?
Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Should a Mohel resign if he can't cut it anymore?
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Do Elephants drink to just forget?
ADULT - A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
The severity of the itch is directly proportional to the inability to reach it.
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Denmark's the spot
Without me, it's just aweso
Earthquakes - not my fault
Epilepsy - seize the day
Laundromat sign: Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out
London Department Store sign: Bargain Basement Upstairs
Hardware store sign: Will the person who took the step ladder please return it or further steps will be taken
Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
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What they’re saying…
“To all the lucky souls and corporations that get the opportunity to work with Eric, at Empower Graphics, count your decision to work with him as the best business decision you can make regarding the image of your company!! After forty years in the professional beauty and music industries, and working with designers such as Calvin Klein, Sam Brocato, Graham Webb and Robert Taylor – industry icons – I must say Eric’s creativity, attention to detail, and his tell-it-like-it-is attitude and honest feedback is unique. His outstanding work is always on time and he goes the extra mile every time!! People like this don’t exist anymore in business!!! Eric has inspired me to create again… I would, with extreme confidence, recommend Eric to anyone who is searching for excellence in the graphic design field – excellence in design and image, and more important, an honest man!!”
“We have been working with Eric Michalowsky and Empower Graphics since December of 2007. It was very important to my company that we find someone who was not only creative, brand aware and in tune with our corporate goals but also someone we could count on to produce our creative on time and to strict budget constraints. After battling with a “big firm” who seemed to drop the ball and not give us the attention we deserved, Eric was like a breath of fresh air. Suddenly work was being completed far ahead of schedule and to our specifications. Eric has partnered with us to create everything necessary for not only 2 retail location openings but also all the marketing materials and collateral we have needed for the franchise division of our company. His knowledge of, and adherence to, appropriate branding guidelines and procedures has ensured our brand remains strong and as originally intended. I would highly recommend Eric and Empower Graphics.”
“Arixa Capital Advisors is an investment management firm and my role is investor relations and marketing. I have worked with Eric on several graphic design projects, creating marketing collateral to appeal to high net worth individuals as well as institutional investors. Eric’s work is superb with respect to design and attention to detail. It has been difficult finding people who have standards high enough to work with us. If you are a company with high standards like ours, you will find it a pleasure working with Eric. Additionally, he is very attentive to our needs even though we are on the west coast and he is on the east coast. If I send Eric a project in the evening it is often in my inbox waiting for me the next morning.
We have tried other designers on a couple of occasions to disastrous effect. We turned back to Eric to salvage both of these projects, which he did with alacrity and professionalism. I will continue to use Eric for my graphic design needs due to his superb work product, responsiveness and professionalism. Good people are hard to find and Eric is good people.”
“Eric opened my eyes a few years ago to the benefits of freelance graphic design. I was trying to hire a new designer after my staff designer resigned, and Eric gave me pause when he said he could help, but only as a freelancer.
His response time, design quality, and attention to detail forced me to abandon my search for a permanent designer.
I was anxious that the 3-hour time difference would be problematic, but that has not been the case. In fact, more often than not, I’m able to wake up in California to new design changes waiting for me in my inbox.”
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