Understatement is always best.
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
One-word sentences? Eliminate.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
The passive voice is to be avoided.
Banning the bra was a big flop.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why can't women put mascara on with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was a salted.
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
Welcome To S**t Creek ~ Sorry, We're Out of Paddles!
Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love, and get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bulls**t before.
EGOTIST - Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF - Cold Storage.
INFLATION - Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
Do you get holy water by boiling the hell out of it?
Are what Eskimos get from sitting on ice called Polaroids?
Is a boomerang that doesn't work called... a stick?
Cheese that is not yours - Nacho Cheese!
What you get from a pampered cow - Spoiled Cheese!
What you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire - Frostbite!
What sits at the bottom of the ocean and shivers - A Nervous Wreck!
Where you find a dog with no legs - Right where you left him!
The difference between roast beef and pea soup - Anyone can roast beef!
The type of coffee served on the Titanic - Sanka!
The difference between a Harley and a Hoover - the location of the dirt bag!
People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.
Rehab is for quitters!
The proctologist called...they found your head
Everyone has a photographic memory... some just don't have any film.
Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Guys, just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.
Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.
We put the "k" in "kwality."
If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right thing.
Consciousness - that annoying time between naps.
If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?
If bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?
If a deaf person goes to court, is it still called a hearing?
How come we choose from 2 people for President but 50 for Miss America?
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, who do they call?
Do illiterate people fully appreciate alphabet soup?
Who was the first person who looked at a cow and said "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out!"
Who was the first person who watched something come out of a chicken's rear and thought "let's try earing that!"
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
The best thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow
Don't bite the hand that.... looks dirty...
A miss is as good as a.... Mr...
You can't teach an old dog new... math...
If you lie down with dogs, ... you will stink in the morning...
The pen is mightier than the... pen...
Where there's smoke, there's... pollution...
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
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What they’re saying…
“To all the lucky souls and corporations that get the opportunity to work with Eric, at Empower Graphics, count your decision to work with him as the best business decision you can make regarding the image of your company!! After forty years in the professional beauty and music industries, and working with designers such as Calvin Klein, Sam Brocato, Graham Webb and Robert Taylor – industry icons – I must say Eric’s creativity, attention to detail, and his tell-it-like-it-is attitude and honest feedback is unique. His outstanding work is always on time and he goes the extra mile every time!! People like this don’t exist anymore in business!!! Eric has inspired me to create again… I would, with extreme confidence, recommend Eric to anyone who is searching for excellence in the graphic design field – excellence in design and image, and more important, an honest man!!”
“We have been working with Eric Michalowsky and Empower Graphics since December of 2007. It was very important to my company that we find someone who was not only creative, brand aware and in tune with our corporate goals but also someone we could count on to produce our creative on time and to strict budget constraints. After battling with a “big firm” who seemed to drop the ball and not give us the attention we deserved, Eric was like a breath of fresh air. Suddenly work was being completed far ahead of schedule and to our specifications. Eric has partnered with us to create everything necessary for not only 2 retail location openings but also all the marketing materials and collateral we have needed for the franchise division of our company. His knowledge of, and adherence to, appropriate branding guidelines and procedures has ensured our brand remains strong and as originally intended. I would highly recommend Eric and Empower Graphics.”
“Arixa Capital Advisors is an investment management firm and my role is investor relations and marketing. I have worked with Eric on several graphic design projects, creating marketing collateral to appeal to high net worth individuals as well as institutional investors. Eric’s work is superb with respect to design and attention to detail. It has been difficult finding people who have standards high enough to work with us. If you are a company with high standards like ours, you will find it a pleasure working with Eric. Additionally, he is very attentive to our needs even though we are on the west coast and he is on the east coast. If I send Eric a project in the evening it is often in my inbox waiting for me the next morning.
We have tried other designers on a couple of occasions to disastrous effect. We turned back to Eric to salvage both of these projects, which he did with alacrity and professionalism. I will continue to use Eric for my graphic design needs due to his superb work product, responsiveness and professionalism. Good people are hard to find and Eric is good people.”
“Eric opened my eyes a few years ago to the benefits of freelance graphic design. I was trying to hire a new designer after my staff designer resigned, and Eric gave me pause when he said he could help, but only as a freelancer.
His response time, design quality, and attention to detail forced me to abandon my search for a permanent designer.
I was anxious that the 3-hour time difference would be problematic, but that has not been the case. In fact, more often than not, I’m able to wake up in California to new design changes waiting for me in my inbox.”
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