It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Contractions aren't necessary.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Why is bra singular and panties plural?
Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How do angels get their gowns on over those wings?
If nothing sticks to teflon, how does it stick to the pan
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some have just run out of film.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
My family is so stupid - during the Civil War, my great uncle fought for the west.
To me, boxing is like ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.
It is better to have loved a short man that never to have loved a tall.
When a cow laughs, does milk come up its nose?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water.
Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.
People who discriminate based upon race are racists. People who discriminate based upon sex are sexists. Are people who discriminate against other who speak a foreign language called linguists?
If the afternoon dies, do we spend the rest of the day in mourning?
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a daycare where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy who's left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in school, do they take debate?
The thief who stole a calendar... got 12 months.
The thief who fell and broke his leg in wet cement is now a hardened criminal.
The thief who stole corn will be charged for stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers as they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in L.A., UCLA.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory on earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run, could you jog its memory?
The dentist and manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint your and 'taint mine.
Is making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a pool?
if 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does one enjoy it?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
if a pig loses its voice, does it become disgruntled?
Why is the number 11 not called onety-one?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, are electricians delighted? Are musicians denoted? Are cowboys deranged? Are models deposed? Are dry cleaners depressed?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would it be called Fed Up?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on driver's licenses of bald men?
When I was a really small, my mother used little forks and spoons. Do Chinese mother's use toothpicks?
Why do they put photos of criminals up in the post office? Are we supposed to write to them?
Misty: how golfers create divots
Two can live as cheaply as one, just for half as long
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center: 'Keep off the Grass.'
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
Be more or less specific.
Understatement is always best.
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
One-word sentences? Eliminate.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
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Brochures, Advertisements, Flyer, Posters, Trade Show Graphics, and so much more!
What they’re saying…
“To all the lucky souls and corporations that get the opportunity to work with Eric, at Empower Graphics, count your decision to work with him as the best business decision you can make regarding the image of your company!! After forty years in the professional beauty and music industries, and working with designers such as Calvin Klein, Sam Brocato, Graham Webb and Robert Taylor – industry icons – I must say Eric’s creativity, attention to detail, and his tell-it-like-it-is attitude and honest feedback is unique. His outstanding work is always on time and he goes the extra mile every time!! People like this don’t exist anymore in business!!! Eric has inspired me to create again… I would, with extreme confidence, recommend Eric to anyone who is searching for excellence in the graphic design field – excellence in design and image, and more important, an honest man!!”Gene Martignetti
“We have been working with Eric Michalowsky and Empower Graphics since December of 2007. It was very important to my company that we find someone who was not only creative, brand aware and in tune with our corporate goals but also someone we could count on to produce our creative on time and to strict budget constraints. After battling with a “big firm” who seemed to drop the ball and not give us the attention we deserved, Eric was like a breath of fresh air. Suddenly work was being completed far ahead of schedule and to our specifications. Eric has partnered with us to create everything necessary for not only 2 retail location openings but also all the marketing materials and collateral we have needed for the franchise division of our company. His knowledge of, and adherence to, appropriate branding guidelines and procedures has ensured our brand remains strong and as originally intended. I would highly recommend Eric and Empower Graphics.”Steven Heller
“Arixa Capital Advisors is an investment management firm and my role is investor relations and marketing. I have worked with Eric on several graphic design projects, creating marketing collateral to appeal to high net worth individuals as well as institutional investors. Eric’s work is superb with respect to design and attention to detail. It has been difficult finding people who have standards high enough to work with us. If you are a company with high standards like ours, you will find it a pleasure working with Eric. Additionally, he is very attentive to our needs even though we are on the west coast and he is on the east coast. If I send Eric a project in the evening it is often in my inbox waiting for me the next morning.
We have tried other designers on a couple of occasions to disastrous effect. We turned back to Eric to salvage both of these projects, which he did with alacrity and professionalism. I will continue to use Eric for my graphic design needs due to his superb work product, responsiveness and professionalism. Good people are hard to find and Eric is good people.”Kevin Zvargulis
“Eric opened my eyes a few years ago to the benefits of freelance graphic design. I was trying to hire a new designer after my staff designer resigned, and Eric gave me pause when he said he could help, but only as a freelancer.
His response time, design quality, and attention to detail forced me to abandon my search for a permanent designer.
I was anxious that the 3-hour time difference would be problematic, but that has not been the case. In fact, more often than not, I’m able to wake up in California to new design changes waiting for me in my inbox.”Greyson Prinzing
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