I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

If electricity comes from electrons - does that mean that morality comes from morons?

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Guys, just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.

Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.

We put the "k" in "kwality."

If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right thing.

Consciousness - that annoying time between naps.

Constipated people don't give a crap.

Illiterate? Write for help.

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

Ax me about Ebonics.

Grow your own dope - plant a man!

Politicians and diapers both need to be changed... and for the same reason!

Elephant Circumcisor Wanted: Pay is not great but tips are huge!

Egotist: someone who has taken too much Vitamin I...

Accountants keep us in check!

He was so lactose intolerant that, when having his picture taken, he could not say "Cheese"!

Can we cry underwater?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in..." but it's only a "penny for your thoughts...". Where's that extra penny going?

Once you are in heaven, do you get stuck wearing those clothes your were buried in for eternity?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Why is it that people say "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

Protons have mass? I did not even know they were Catholic!

All I ask is for a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

They told me I was gullible. I believed them.

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

My weight is perfect for my height... which varies.

I used to be indecisive but now... I'm not sure.

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

How can there be self-help groups?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who cannot get his pants off.

Is it me or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

I always wanted to be a procrastinator but never got around to it.

She has kleptomania. When it gets bad, she takes something for it.

Did you hear about the big fight that Madonna, Cher, Jewel and Fabio had? They are no longer on a first name basis.

How can a cemetery raise its burial charges and blame it on the cost of living?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

What's brown and sits on stool? Beethoven's last movement.

Support bacteria - they are the only culture some people have.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor

Minimum: a very small mother

Misty: how golfers create divots

Nitrate: cheapest price for calling long distance

Praise: letting off esteem

Relief: what trees do in the spring

Skier: a person who jumps to contusions

Sudafed: litigation brought against a government official

Unabated: a fish hook without the worm

Iraq, you break

Beards: they grow on you

Missouri loves company

Camping is in tents

Your retarded

Sex - do it for the kids

Prague - Czech it out

South Korea's got Seoul

Irish I were drunk

Denmark's the spot

Without me, it's just aweso

Earthquakes - not my fault

Epilepsy - seize the day

Laundromat sign: Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out

London Department Store sign: Bargain Basement Upstairs

If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

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What they’re saying…

“To all the lucky souls and corporations that get the opportunity to work with Eric, at Empower Graphics, count your decision to work with him as the best business decision you can make regarding the image of your company!! After forty years in the professional beauty and music industries, and working with designers such as Calvin Klein, Sam Brocato, Graham Webb and Robert Taylor – industry icons – I must say Eric’s creativity, attention to detail, and his tell-it-like-it-is attitude and honest feedback is unique. His outstanding work is always on time and he goes the extra mile every time!! People like this don’t exist anymore in business!!! Eric has inspired me to create again… I would, with extreme confidence, recommend Eric to anyone who is searching for excellence in the graphic design field – excellence in design and image, and more important, an honest man!!”

Gene Martignetti

Owner/Founder, MariaMaria Music/Beauty, SoBe Beauty Services

“We have been working with Eric Michalowsky and Empower Graphics since December of 2007. It was very important to my company that we find someone who was not only creative, brand aware and in tune with our corporate goals but also someone we could count on to produce our creative on time and to strict budget constraints. After battling with a “big firm” who seemed to drop the ball and not give us the attention we deserved, Eric was like a breath of fresh air. Suddenly work was being completed far ahead of schedule and to our specifications. Eric has partnered with us to create everything necessary for not only 2 retail location openings but also all the marketing materials and collateral we have needed for the franchise division of our company. His knowledge of, and adherence to, appropriate branding guidelines and procedures has ensured our brand remains strong and as originally intended. I would highly recommend Eric and Empower Graphics.”

Steven Heller

President, The Brand Liaison

“Arixa Capital Advisors is an investment management firm and my role is investor relations and marketing. I have worked with Eric on several graphic design projects, creating marketing collateral to appeal to high net worth individuals as well as institutional investors. Eric’s work is superb with respect to design and attention to detail. It has been difficult finding people who have standards high enough to work with us. If you are a company with high standards like ours, you will find it a pleasure working with Eric. Additionally, he is very attentive to our needs even though we are on the west coast and he is on the east coast. If I send Eric a project in the evening it is often in my inbox waiting for me the next morning.

We have tried other designers on a couple of occasions to disastrous effect. We turned back to Eric to salvage both of these projects, which he did with alacrity and professionalism. I will continue to use Eric for my graphic design needs due to his superb work product, responsiveness and professionalism. Good people are hard to find and Eric is good people.”

Kevin Zvargulis

Vice President, Arixa Capital Advisors

“Eric opened my eyes a few years ago to the benefits of freelance graphic design. I was trying to hire a new designer after my staff designer resigned, and Eric gave me pause when he said he could help, but only as a freelancer.

His response time, design quality, and attention to detail forced me to abandon my search for a permanent designer.

I was anxious that the 3-hour time difference would be problematic, but that has not been the case. In fact, more often than not, I’m able to wake up in California to new design changes waiting for me in my inbox.”

Greyson Prinzing

General Manager, Riot Creative Imaging/ARC Document Services

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